Mother and Son Time

 

My oldest was an only child for six and a half years. Five of those years it was just us two as we didn’t always live with dad. We lived next door to my parents but early on I set boundaries with them, and they were very understanding.  I’ve always liked doing my own thing, and my son and I spent a lot of time together, just us two. I still maintain the same boundaries with them now. They don’t always like it, but they are respectful.  We went out to eat, shopping, the beach, amusement parks, took road trips, just us two.  He even went to college with me and helped me find a job at the University Student Union at Cal State LA.

Fast forward a few years and now I have three boys. The little ones are now six and three and do not leave my sight. We do everything together and that means, my oldest and I don’t get quality time. The last time we got a chance to go grab some iced coffee was maybe a year ago, we had family over and the little ones took a nap, so we snuck out. Thinking about it makes me so sad. As a mother of boys I know how important the relationship between a mother and son is, it’s the reason why so many men are toxic, those unresolved mommy issues, it’s a real concern of mine, because it’s not always possible for us.

Summer was going to be pretty chill until dad mentioned summer baseball for my oldest.  Hijole! Summer baseball means tournaments, which sometimes mean 3 games in one day. I was not all in but I agreed, only with the understanding that we would keep my six year old in basketball. He agreed. Divide and conquer was the name of the game.  One Sunday, I took my oldest to baseball, while he took the two little ones to basketball. It was amazing.  I felt absolutely no guilt, which was pretty awesome. I mean, I’m with my kids 24/7, so I was not mad about it. I wasn’t running after kids, I got to relax, and enjoy the game. After the game I wanted to rush home, but after checking in and finding out we had family over, I felt comfortable hanging out and chatting with other baseball parents. My son asked if we could go out to lunch and I said, yes. “Wait, are you serious?” he said. He was surprised, heck, so was I, this kind of opportunity rarely ever presents itself, so we took it. We had so much fun. During lunch he even shared feeling like a proud parent watching me socialize with other parents, something I don’t normally do. He said, “I’m happy for you mom. You deserve to relax.” I cried. He rolled his eyes, “Really??? Don’t cry!” After lunch he asked for ice cream, something we again, don’t normally do because the little ones have several food allergies. So we got flavors we can’t get around the boys.  Give me all the nuts! I look forward to spending more one on one time with my son, it’s good for the both of us. The tween years are hard, I have to remind myself that behind the attitude and eye rolling is my sweet boy, our one on one time reminded me of that.

Do you spend time just with your child? What’s the plan? How do you make it work? I’d love ideas.

Frijolitos

Every single day, in the most mundane of tasks, I find beauty and peace, and feel that I am closer to finding my happy place. Daily tasks that transport me back to my childhood are my favorite. Recently the task was washing and preparing beans. As a child, my sisters and I were given the task of picking rocks and dirt off of beans and washing them. I love making beans. Washing them and hearing the noise they make (think first grade diy maracas), feeling them between my fingers is so relaxing, better than a stress ball, and like I mentioned, it transports me to my childhood, a happy and humble place. It takes me back to delicious meals full of rich scents, herbaceous spicy scents, open all the windows and doors, run out the house, I’m having a hard time breathing type of scents. Can you relate? We had leftover beans and I put them in the fridge. Today, I brought them out, added spices, and some tomato sauce, and made chili. I also made short grained rice because chili rice is one of my kids’ favorite meals. It’s one of those must have meals when we attend Japanese festivals. It made me think about rice and beans. A staple meal, it’s filling, cheap and easy to make, and so full of love when prepared by family. I love finding similarities between Japanese and Mexican culture. I love passing these traditions and meals down to our children. I hope they make these foods for their children, and that they too are transported back to their childhood.

 

I’d love to know what foods takes you back to your childhood?

G

Mas rapido cae un hablador…

It’s so easy to say what people should be doing, how they should be parenting, or what you would never do when it’s not your life at the moment. Little by little the older I get I have learned that we are all trying to do the best we can with what we have. What we need as parents is to cut each other and ourselves a break. I almost cry tears of laughter every single time my kids want to be pushed in those enormously ridiculous shopping carts with the steering wheels on them. I said I would NEVER be seen pushing MY kid in one of those embarrassing carts. Well here I am, ridicula AF but look at mi niño. Happy as can be. In the end, that’s what it’s about, making sure our families are healthy and happy. No one is a better judge of that than the parent.

Just for laughs, here’s a list of other things I said I would never do:

1. I would never be the parent scraping stickers off of furniture or car windows. Lemon oil gets it right off BTW
2. I would never let my kids own toy weapons. Not my idea but you know, pick your battles.
3. I would never be a part of mommy groups. My PostPartum Tribe is amazing!
4. I would never be a stay at home mom, that life is not for me…

 

Is there something you said you’d never do? Do you cringe or laugh it off?

 

Teikirisi friends, we’re all just trying to get through this life one day at a time.

 

G

Creating Safe Spaces For Parent Life Realness

I used to feel guilty for feeling the way I do about motherhood. I felt like I had no safe space to be comfortably be who I am, so I created one. I began sharing about our family’s daily life on social media, the good and the bad, the silly and the nasty, the joys and the heartache, and found out that I am not alone. I received messages and made genuine connections with people saying, “I feel the same way! I just don’t say it.” We are taught to be self sacrificing and that if we are not enjoying every second of parenting we are clearly not good enough. We compare ourselves to the other parents on social media but what we don’t see is that we are all struggling with something at any given time. People post cute pictures of their kids in coordinated outfits but don’t mention their kid refuses to eat anything but chopped up hot dogs smothered in ketchup, or show all of their outings but don’t mention that being home full time with kids can be lonely AF, or show them handling it all like a boss but don’t share that they’ve had stressed induced diarrhea for days.  I hope to create a safe space for parents who like me realize that it’s not all fun, that this is a tough job, but community and laughter make it easier.  So please join me for some parent life realness.